Welcome to 2018, where we really went and thought that the weirdest trailer to drop in any given week would be for the new Christopher Robin movie—no, not that one—a different one.

Someone involved in A.A. Milne’s estate clearly just kicked the bucket, right? Surely, that’s the only reasonable explanation for two movies about Winnie the Pooh within the same twelve-month period. Perhaps the most unsettling thing about Christopher Robin (in theaters August 3) is that it meets up with the titular children’s book hero as an adult, when we, the collective we that consists of anyone who can use Wikipedia, know for a fact that he was estranged from his father at this time and felt uncomfortable, to put it mildly, with the way he had been immortalized, intruded upon, and exposed. Exploited, even. So the idea that Pooh would just show up and—I’m sorry, can we talk about the fur for a second? It’s all wrong. The voice is fine, but Pooh isn’t shaggy, sorry, we don’t make the rules—intervene in the life of Ewan McGregor (hey Ewan, or should we say Obi-Wan, you’re not doing much for your rep as “Great Destroyer of Beloved Childhood Franchises,” by the way) like some kind of many-manic-pixie-dream bear? Problematically revisionist at best. For gosh sakes, this whole trailer reeks like someone saw Paddington 2 and was like, “Hey hold my bear!”

And again, because we live in such, let’s say, interesting times, this isn’t even the weirdest trailer of the week so far! No, that honor has to go to that recently re-discovered Ed Wood-esque savant, Tommy Wiseau, and his newest project, Scary Love:

Gasp. Has Tommy Wiseau somehow become self aware? Red alert! Before we trigger the emergency response network (obviously one was put in place years ago in case of this very event), we’re going to need to see more. Everything in this teaser, from the “Telefantasy” logo to the green and red wash feels like fare straight from the era of Liquid Sky. We are dying to know what kind of dystopia this trailer describes, because it looks a lot more like Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks than some sort of post-Industrialist future. Points for noir stylings and all, but just as Wiseau's cult classic debut, The Room, felt somewhat out of time (“the computer business,” anyone?) we’re having trouble pinpointing if this takes place in the 50s, the present day, or the 2050s. It’s not directed by Wiseau, though, so maybe there will be a sort of coherence to this project that was a bit lacking in The Room. In any case, after watching a certain celeb doing his best Wiseau for months, we’re ready for a fresh hit of the real thing, baby.


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